is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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