i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
