you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
