birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
