Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
