i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
