I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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