what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
