Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
that may or may not have been my penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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