I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
