Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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