You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
