Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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