look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
