I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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