New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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