just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
