come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
