Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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