she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
