I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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