Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
