worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
