yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
