think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
false alarm. still invincible.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
