I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
someone owes me an orgasm
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
