Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are two peas in an std pod
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
