Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
