Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
