man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love you. Go after that dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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