Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
