If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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