I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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