He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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