she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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