And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
