i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
