So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
