Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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