just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
