3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
