he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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