i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
