The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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