Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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