I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sober January is a disaster.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
