when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
