There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
