i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
