if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
