My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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