I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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