WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
