handjob tips. give me some.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
